Too Busy.....

Missed the session?

 

Sorry to all you readers out there (Yea right! - I do this for me!)

 

Workload too great, too much to do. Life too full.  Hardly even had time to log on never mind review other blogs or write my own.

 

Bah (as a popular North American Blog writer would say - Micifus Phil! in case you didn't know)

 

Matt at Debriefing the boys has been prolific and I haven't had time to read it all never mind write about the site. That is next on my long list of requirements.  One day I will actually get around to posting my back catalogue of good looking guy pics as well.

 

Gotta go

 

Vic

---

The all-new Yahoo! Mail goes wherever you go - free your email address from your Internet provider.

Another Session Vic?

Well Vic, here we go again- another half hour session.

Picking up from the last one - you have some strange porn habits - care to share them?

My strangest porn habit seems to be I don't really watch it (I am not sure anyone does truly.) I fast forward to the interesting bits and these are not necessarily the bits you would automatically assume I would stop at. I almmost always stop when they are removing their clothes i.e. when they are in thier underwear, I stop when they are working on an erection through thier underwear, I stop when they are talking to each other - before , during or after. I have been known to watch whole scenes from beginnning to end although this is quite rare. Some of the reasons for this activity, I believe, stems from the fact that I can't be caught watching them, although the danger of possibly being caught adds to the excitement and gives me a buzz. Even when I have the freedom and time to watch I will still speed my way through them - habit? perhaps.

So you don't like gay porn?

Not sure I would say that - I don't like parts of gay porn. I like to see smooth twinks who are comfortable with themselves, who know what they want and know how to get it. My favourite and probably most closely viewed porn is the Bel Ami Casting Couch Series. I have to admit to a predilection for Bel Ami boys that started with Lukas Ridgeston and Johan Paulik.

Which would you prefer to watch - a solo jerk off or a gay couple getting it on?

The couple every time. A JO gets very little airplay as far as I am concerned - Once I have seen the shape, cut and length I am very quickly disinterested. With the couple there is two dicks to look at as well as any dialogue and oral sex. The interaction is often better than the physical sex.

You do not like hairy men - why?

Don't know - thoughts of hair in mouth, uncleanliness, older macho men that I can't make submissive - not sure - just don't. Maybe this is a broader question about 'why do I like young men?' Am I trying to re-capture my own youth? Am I jealous that they are so young, confident and free (and I am not?)? Is it because it is porn and porn is acting, so it isn't real and I can let my fantasy have full reign? Hmm - I will think about this some more!!

Why have you never tried gay sex?

Not sure I want to. Oral sex seems like it could be fun for both partners provided both were recently showered and clipped, I can't get past the idea of hairs in the mouth - yuk.

The thought of anal sex carries a whole range of conflicting feelings for me. When seen in gay porn it seems clean, fresh and nice (mostly). In real life we are dealing with hairy arseholes, someones else's personal cleanliness, shitty follow through's, smelly farts etc etc. I cannot see that anal sex is worth the effort to really prepare and the amount of preparation I would consider mandatory doesn't seem worth the effort for anal sex. I don't know. This is one of the questions that needs answering and probably drives my gay blog reviewing - how do they overcome the physical aspects of smell etc especially when rimming or during oral etc.

(note - Chaos has posted a blog from Grinny - one of this many friends - that covers some of this. It describes his revulsion at someones stinking dick as he goes down on it. My eeew/yuk factor hits its peak when he asks whether he could carry on despite the smell and his nausea. If it stinks nasty then that is your body telling you it is not good, not healthy, not nice stay the fuck away from it!! If it makes you feel sick - stay away!!)

So ultimately your gay'ness extends as far as watching other people have sex and jerking off to it?

Yep. Sometimes I don't even JO I just watch - I am getting old I suppose!!!

What do Blogs have that interest you so much?

Real life problems. I want to know what makes it (gay sex) great for other people. All the guys I read about have a freedom - I probably had this too, if I am honest, but what really interests me is that they are taking the opportunity. Making mistakes and carrying on. Having NSA (no strings attached) sex - no dinner dates, visits to the cinemas, flowers or chocolates just sex for mutual pleasure and no more.

I think I envy this as it is the obvious unobtainable for me. (Unobtainable through a lifetime of personal suppression, peer pressure, background and looking at what I wrote earlier a fear of risking all for something that ultimately I wouldn't enjoy.)

Phil (Micifus), Matt (Dudetube), Steve (Chaos) etc share their life - warts and all without apologising for it. There is so much I want to know about each of them - asking wouldn't be unthinkable but maybe they might let slip some of the answers I want without having to.

So are you interested in the guys or their lifestyle?

Both. Their lifestyle seems bohemian, interesting, filled and predominantly happy but I am not that stupid. They blog about the interesting, bohemian and filled areas of their lives. The mundane, the preparations, the boring gets forgotten about. That part is the guys - how do they deal with it? Is gay sex as great as they make out or is it a little bit nasty, a little bit painful, a little bit tedious? I don't know and unless someone tells me I won't find out. Gay Porn will NEVER let me see that side of gay life but maybe these guys will.

Do you use the images and stories on the blog site to jerk off too?

Almost Never. - The great cock hunt has told some stories/adventures that have created the urge (I try not to resist it too much) but the other guys because they are telling it as it happened to them don't seem to be telling it to excite me they are reporting, like the news. Dudetube has shown the odd clip that has created the urge but I tend not to get too excited when I can't see their faces or they are not doing something out of the ordinary.

Out of the ordinary?

Using fleshlights, self fellatio, shaving, clipping, inserting objects up their arse or down their dick. Taking a piss (not on anyone though). Soft to hard transition.

Anything other than a solo JO. I have looked into the S&M, Water Sports arena and all I can say is NO THANKS. Glory Holes - no. Bear sex - no, fisting - no, bareback - no, double penetration - yep, twinks taking a piss - yep, pretend twink rape by a bear - NO WAY. pretend twink rape (or subjugation) by another twink - yes way! Realistic rape - no, animals - no, etc etc Kiddie porn - purveyors should be shot

Question to self - did I like every pool boys dream? Yes. When I thought all actors were over 18 -

Question to self - do I still like it now? Don't know - Won't watch it so doesn't matter.

RING RING

Alarms signals session end.

Will try and do the piece on Debriefing the boys.

Why does time disappear so fast?

I know I should be writing about debriefing the boys in this post. The clue is in the links list on the right but I feel the need to share some of the self examination (not physical I assure you!) I have been doing over the past few weeks.

In some of the previous blogs I have hinted at some of the strange stuff I do - some of it I do without even thinking about it - it is just natural. I can't sit through a gay porn movie from beginning to end (does anyone watch them like that?) I can't even watch the video clips on dudetube (link this) if they are longer than 2 minutes. Am I SO impatient? Do I just want to see the money shot?

Why do I even watch them? You may have read in the Brent Corrigan post below that I actually felt some (revulsion is too strong a word!) dismay, upset, uncomfortableness in seeing Brent engage in anal sex with another boy.... WHY? Why did this upset me? I originally went to his website to see pics of him and had he included film extracts at that first point of contact I would have been fine with it. Why is it that now, because I have got to 'know' him (in the loosest sense of the word), I no longer want to see him do the thing that I was hoping to see in the first place? Confused? So am I.

Lets have a quick look at the motivations shall we? Open Wide Vic.... Say Ahhh!!!

Ahhh..

(In best German psychologist voice) Vic, let me ask you some questions and please answer honestly...

Are you GAY?

Some TV program I once saw said that if you watched guys walking down the street rather than the girls you were gay. I do that, I watch both the guys and the girls but if I am honest then I watch the guys more.

If you watch gay porn you are gay. I do that. I like, really like ! gay iconography, gay porn and delving into the lives of gay YOUNG men. I like Teen and twenties men - twink not bear, young not old and lithe not flabby, but with muscle definition not muscle bound?

Do you watch or you look at gay porn? Do you get a hard on that fills your trunks with pre-cum?

Sometimes, yes most definitely I do. That is where this blog all started.

Do you have other Gay traits?

Like what?

Are you concerned about your looks and appearance?

No - not really. I have never really been that body or appearance conscious. I do not own any male toiletries beyond aftershave and shower gel - no exfoliants, no hair restorers, no hand or body creams.

Key Question.... Have you ever had sexual relations with another man?

No. I have never had anything bearing a sexual relationship with a man.(discounting some fumbling in the woods when I was 9 years old - more on that later perhaps!) I have had a couple of male friends who I am sure would have entered some sort of curiosity/discovery relationship in my youth but even now the thought of any form of sex with them is not even palatable never mind arousing.

Why not?

Not sure. I had plenty of opportunity in my youth to seek it out. Homosexuality was not looked upon as acceptable in the small town I grew up in. Was I repressed? - definitely. Was I scared of what other people would think of me? - Certainly. Couldn't I move away where no one knew me and I could be who I wanted to be? - Yes and I did. I moved to college far away from home.

Any Sexual Relations at all?

Yep, all female. College introduced me to my first true love, a male friend who professed love for me although we were both ostensibly straight and my first (and only) STD. My male friend, Joe and I shared everything including girls although never together. He was brash, confident and very sexually active (as long as it had a pulse it was fair game for him) whilst I was bookish, geeky and a little bit ill at ease with the whole sex thing.

One thing of note: As a 16 year old I was befriended by a family friend who was a ex-army. He was about 22 so much older than me. We cycled, played pool, watched films etc just like other guys my age did. I didn't think anything of it. We used to fight, only play fighting and more a test of strength and agility than anything else...until...I was sat down and informed that he was dismissed from the army for some sort of ungentlemanly conduct - talking around the subject my parents told me he was discharged because it was suspected he was gay.

For me that was a shock and a very scary revelation. I handled it really well (for a sixteen year old boy) - I ignored him! - I pointedly and unashamedly made him feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome when ever he came around to the house. I always found something else to be doing and I squirmed out of any contact with him (I was so mature about it - don't you think?)

I looked back for many years thinking of the hurt I probably caused him. I am not sure of his motives and I never will be. We still meet infrequently - funerals, weddings etc but never discuss the past. Some years later I went to his marriage, to a girl with two kids, I felt like a real shit. Later when it was mentioned in passing that he was living with a man and the marriage had broken up I felt vindicated, smug and content that I had done the right thing. Now however - I think I hurt him badly and that was unnecessary and cruel. I should have discussed the issues, I should have set out the boundaries, I should have explained my problems with his perceived sexuality.

ALARM CLOCK RINGING...

The half hour is up. We will continue this next time.

Next time I want to ask about your porn habits - where and when it started? how and why you do it?

Can't stop

Hi anyone...

I know I should be posting my take on the 'debriefing the boys' blog but I have a job interview tomorrow so am doing some last minute cramming - don't have time to blog tonight - sorry.

Vic_Voy

Videos and more videos

Dudetube

A site I visit almost daily. This site is technically so well created it could almost be professional (although if it was I wouldn't be a visitor!!). A VAST array of screen grabs from all over the 'net and a multitude of amateur videos. He also uses the site to expresses his love for Comic books and comic book based art.

Originally this site was on my primary list. I would visit daily and I would watch all the videos and look at all the screen captures from the various sites Matt must have memberships to. He has a prolific posting regime, rarely misses as day and if you haven't seen the post for a few days do not expect to be able to catch up just be looking at the main post - a delve into the archives will be required.

Initially I LOVEd this site - here was a guy taking all the effort out of searching x-tube and porntube etc to find interesting vids and his captures of the guys with cams and fratpad images are really cool. This saves me time and effort which is a good thing because I am not always able to spend as much time as I would like on the 'net. I respect his diligence and professionalism when releasing the screen grabs and the videos - awesome work!

Of late, however have found myself visiting less often. When I am there I tend to scan the videos looking for something of interest, Which for me means something different from all the standard solo jerk off videos - the recent fleshlight series of vids was a particular favourite.
The fratpad and other pay site images are superb quality thumbnails gathered together in one image, they really give a flavour of the guys on these sites. BUT, and here is my main reason for Dudetube not being as high up my favourite list as it once was, it feels like I am reading advertising or product placement! I don't think it is and to his credit Matt does kinda give a brief reason why he likes each of the sites and the specific captures or guys, but it still has that preview tour about it. Placed in a high traffic blog merely to entice you into the sites for more.

Maybe he is on commission (or free memberships! 8-) if not it might be worth contacting the providers and entering negotiations!! Haha). The links do not look like affiliate links of any sort so I although if he is, this is not necessarily a bad thing and I say good luck to him - he certainly deserves some recognition and recompense for the effort puts into the blog.

My overall main gripe (too strong a word - niggle is better) with dudetube though is that I know very little about the actual blogger, his day, his frustrations or traumas, his likes or dislikes are a mystery to me. I can't connect with him.

Am I outgrowing amateur porn vids? Don't think so although I try to watch them on fast forward or jump though the vid manually. I do this with almost all my porn vids, even the professional ones - strange but true!! Am outgrowing pics of cute/handsome, hot boys - NO! but am I finding the blogs of real people and their highs and lows more enjoyable than watching another solo JO vid - Yep, most definitely, I am.

If you need a portal to gay imagery and videos - Is this is the place for you? In my opinion and this is based on the limited number of blogs have visited so far, I would have to say YES, YES, YES. Enjoy the eye candy but don't try to see too deeply into the life of the blog poster it ain't gonna happen.

It will remain on my fav blog list and I will try to visit daily if only to see what this blog should technically aspire to.

Chaos theory

Following on from last nights post - Micifus was given his log subscrition by the guy who basically brought out of the closet (moaning and groaning in rapture if you believe the stories).
This guy has a blog called Chaos. Real name Steve, he also blogged under stevethetreat at one time before moving to typepad.

Chaos is a high flyer who shares his life with the blog reader, warts and all. The writing style is clear and generally concise (unlike this shit!). He doesn't go in for the flowery romance stuff and is more of a - we met, we shagged, my bum still tingles - kinda writer.

Sometimes I read his blog with envy and in awe of what he does (not just the sex but the whole lifestyle, even down to his macrobiotic eating regime) in his day to day existence.
Sometimes I read and find myself appreciating what he has gone through to get to where he is. Sometimes I read and I am dismayed at his arrogance, and his lack of empathy for other humans.
Sometimes I read and am amazed at how much he will put himself out for others.
Sometimes I read and worry aboout his proclivity for younger men, his perchant to buy them expensive gifts and his self confessed admission that anyone over 23 is too old for him.

But despite the misgivings and worries I have about what he is doing to himself and others and to some degree what kind of person does it make me to want to read about it - I READ.

The blog is at times joyous, indulgent, revealing, depressing, dismal, enlightening and even educational but it is always interesting.

There is an added spice to reading the chaos blog and this is founded in the fact that many of his circle of friend and aqcuaintances also blog. to see a story or dialogue from two differing views and personalities gives it veracity and a solid feeling of truth. Chaos sits in the middle of a spiders web of acquaintance and friends who flow in and out of his life (and bed) with remarkable regularity. He seems to manage them all with almost machievellian control and they seem to be under the spell of this sucessful, confident and magnetic personality.

Not sure if he and I would actually like each other should we ever converse or meet (highly unlikely) I'd be too staid for him - he'd be too wild for me and neither of us would probaby want to invest the time in getting to know each other - that's what blogs are for.

E-mail test

Micifus - Youth in all its glory!

I am not going to add too much to my other posts at
this moment. This is merely a test e-mail. That said
I have to tell you that my curent blog du jour (a blog
I check at least once per day) is http://Micifus.typepad.com .

(This is the blog of an 18(?)year old college freshman
who is in the process of 'coming out'. He engages in
NSA sex (No Strings Attached) and writes in a very
natural manner about his relationships with the other
college freshmen, his roommate, Cali his current sex
buddy and his family.

What makes this even more interesting for the voyeur
like me is that he started blogging after the guy who
took his virginity gave him the account as a
graduation present. I will be discussing his blog
next.

Micifus (Phil) does not place gratuitous pictures all
over his blog although in my opinion he could probably put
more up - just to colour in the life he describes so well in
his blog.

He is obviously a little wary (of placing pictures currently as
he has previously posted images that, following a comment from one of his viewers/readers
regarding the possible misuse of the images, as he has since removed them (more's the pity I say). What images there are are fully clothed and scene setting rather than porn or exhibitionism. which is a refreshing (nice - who the hell uses nice? - I am a retard) change.

He is a college swimming scholar and has used his insider knowledge to tell a fantasy
lockeroom story. The mental images were good but unfortunately it wasn't quite
believeable enough and had me, as the reader, shouting 'yeah right - that can't be true' which breaks the illusion and kinda spoiled the story for me slightly.

Phil's greatest assets, as far as I am concerned, are his descriptions of the whole comming out experience. His burgeoning relationship with Cali on the one hand offset his near catastrophic reationship with his family (coming out to his Polish, Cathollic family is an episode I hope he shares with us all - Therein lies a powerful and no doubt emotional story!!)

I find myself returning to the blog on a regular basis to get more history, I am not content with knowing about the here and now good though that is. I am equally interested in how he found his gay/bisexual preferences and how did he pursue them? why did his parents put a curfew on him? how did he meet Chaos? How did he feel going for his first gay sexual experience? what was the reason for choosing Chaos? - proximity? desire? availibility? There are so many stories that would add colour and texture to the current ebb and flow of his life and as long as he keeps sharing then I'll keep watching. Vicariously Voyeuristic!

P.S. Do NOT like the layout created by e-mail submission but needs must when the devil drives - so apologies for design and layout - I could spend time fixing it but then whe would I have time to check all the blog's I am watching? Spelling mistakes are like shit - they happen and like dogshit on the pavement they are best ignored and walked around. If you would like to politely bring it to the owners attention he may use the spelling equivalent of the pooper scooper and clean the mess right up although don't count on it.

This keyboard is fucking awful and no that is not an excuse (yes it is! and it is a bad one at that). I fancy dictation (stoppit - fithy minds!) no I mean I fancy using Nuance dictation software to write my blog as I speak it - that would be cool. Ahh, problem - not sure its vocabulary includes fellatio, blow job, jerk off, fuck, shit, arsehole, wank, boyhole etc and I know I want to use them in my blog somewhere (oh I already have!! haha!!)

Bollox - it is too late and I must be getting delirious.

Do I talk crap? or what?

Having just re-read the previous post you can tell it was late! I delivered the BC review (?) with so much sickly sweet sugar that it could blacken your teeth just reading it.

BrentCorriganOnline did introduce me to the Blogging world and he does have a great body, but that does not make me so blind that I can't see his ultimate goal is to attain professional and financial independence and wouldn't we all in the same situation? In order to achieve this I feel that sometimes he tweaks the incidents, stories and activities to show there best light, ignoring or forgetting the stuff that shows him in a bad light.

This is what we all do and I wouldn't condem him for it. Looking back allows us 20-20 vision to review events and this, then allows us to employ selective blindness and forgetfulness, generally in our favour.

His site led me to investigate other blogs and I will review (?) them as we travel along.

Who is to blame?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Here's the history!

So where did it start? What made you start looking at blogs of people who seemed keen on sharing the most intimate details of their sex lives and relationship issues? Simple answer is I don't know. I have always pushed my boundaries when 'sex surfing'. Checking out female sex sites is now so easy, there are so many of them and if I get caught - so what. It is what red blooded males do.

It started with downloading images from the newsgroups (in the early days using a modem!! Yes I am THAT old!) and after searching and viewing alt.binaries.female.pictures etc. First it was just naked pics of women then I found myself viewing more and more pictures of intercourse.

Not for the hard-on (although that was an interesting and sometimes satisfying side affect) I found myself looking at other men’s cocks, their size, shape, girth and usability - not recognising this at first, I continued to trawl my way through grainy pictures on the net (for some reason completely ignoring mainstream female pornographic literature I might add).

Some of the pictures had Bulletin board addresses so I'd look them up - log on and leech like crazy whenever possible. Later, I was able to visit web addresses that were listed on the pics. I have seen so many tours and previews it is laughable. I have never signed up to a porn site and I doubt I ever will - what can they show me that I can't get off the net? Soon enough female/male pics became uninteresting - female/female didn't hold the same fascination but the odd one that showed female/male/male partnerships gave me a new buzz.

Alt.binaries.male.pictures was calling - off I went... This had everything I wanted - Pictures of men’s cocks, of course but also man on man images. These images were hot and they also carried the inherent danger that came with possessing these pictures, the risk of being caught downloading them and the risk of keeping them in a household that would not understand the concept of they are only pictures and I am not gay.

Why I like to look at cocks, male sex etc I am sure will be covered in future posts - this is the history lesson not psychology so I won't go into it yet.

Many fruitful years of downloading, looking at and generally deleting the images led me onto teh next stage downloading videos, videos that would now be kicked off you tube for being too poor quality were my first foray into the world of gay film pornography.

Unfortunately, newsgroups began to become censored by many ISP's and the only way to get the binaries was to pay specialist providers - I DON'T DO THAT.

The web was more fully available (still modems in UK though) and lots of interesting searches eventually brought my attention to a few sites that were basically the first amateur attempts to produce what has become a major part of the porn industry - the webcam site. I will discuss them at a later date as well. AJBoy and Hot boy stick in my memory for some reason!! (I think I still have some of their pics and videos on a CD somewhere!)

Along comes the new revolution - Broadband -- DSL --big fat pipes with unlimited download (within reason!) A new world of downloading. PC at home - no more downloading at work and sneaking them out on floppies/tapes (yep I used 4mm DAT to transfer files at one point - geek alert!)

Always on downloads meant - peer to peer file sharing - limewire, e-mule, bit torrent all played a part in establishing a collection of gay porn second to none. Much of it still exists on DVD's and the older stuff is on DLT tapes -much of BEL AMI's back catalogue is in numerous AVI's and MPG's ranging from 100mb per part to the full film at DVD standard 4.7Gb.

All hidden away.
All no longer watched.
All a waste of time and bandwidth.
All great fun to obtain and watch (generally in fast forward I have to admit - will discuss this later! - familiar statement eh?)

Hstory over.

A journey of 1000 miles starts with one step.

1st Step..... what to write? The premise behind this venture into fairly modern technology is basically self serving. I am going to use this little area as my getaway, my confessional, my therapist and my confidante. All my dirty little secrets will be brought out along with any dirty washing or skeletons in the cupboards or even things that are in the closet!! who knows where this will take me - come along for the ride (or write me off as a pretentious dick and don't visit again!)

This is going to be an anonymous posting arena in the first instance because sometimes to liven up my hum drum I do naughty things - look at porn on the net (not very often!), download films and programs and reading material etc through eMule, read other peoples blogs, especially if they are younger than me and less inhibited and quite willing to share their life (in words and pictures only of course) with me.

1. Am I going to use this as a diary - don't think so!
2. Am I going to use this as a ranting, get it off my chest style therapy session -sometimes definitely
3. Am I going to use it to give something back to the blogging community - definitely, although they may not want it!! Not sure if anyone will want it!
4. Am I going to post often - as often as I can.
5. Am I going to post pics - if appropriate.
6. Am I going to post Pics of me - Never (and believe me that is a kindness to you all).
7. Am I going to look at world issues, politics and the deeper meaning of life - probably not.
8. Am I going to look into what I do and why and seek some meaning in it - Yep, that is the raison d'etre (ooh french!!!) of this blog.

Is this just going to be a list of blogs I look at - hopefully not, I will try to make some judgement about the content, give MY views, what I like and don't like etc.

It is highly likely that no-one will even see this first entry in the blog but I want something to refer back to - call it a mission statement. I will not be tied to it to the detriment of the blog but if I don't have a starting point how will I know how far I have travelled.

As I travel this road I will probably share more about myself than it is safe too. I will probably upset some (hopefully not too many - I don't expect many people will want to read it anyway!! Cut the self pity crap - ed.).

Much of what you will read will be of a sexual nature (not mine - hence the blog name) but be assured if you are 18 or younger - this is not for you. If you have hang ups about sexuality and the discussion and portrayal of it in all it's forms this might not be for you either.

Open mided people always welcome.

I won't make this too long for all our sakes!! Here we go guys (and gals).

P.S. Do not expect the blog to remain static - I will be learning how to do all the stuff I see on other blogs - different templates, videos, pics, links etc. Wish me luck!